circa 1992, Taiwan

Last time I saw him was at our wedding. He looked strong then, even though I'm not sure he knew who I was or why he was there. He nevertheless aknowledged me and KC when we said "hi". He knew that I was one of his grandchildren but that was far as it went. And that was enough for me.

Me and my brothers were the lucky ones. He used to stay with us (I think it was for more that 5 years), and he stayed at my room while I camped out with my brothers in their room. Come to think of it, that made me closer to my brothers during our teenage years and I am glad of that. We had lots of memories of being with him and a lot of funny anecdotes and stories that our cousins didn't have. (Who could ever forget, James Bond - bang bang bang).

The clan had a big falling out during my high school days. I distinctly remembered when my Dad told me that angkong won't be living with us anymore (This happened the day after he left and my dad is driving me and my brothers to school and we were in front of UST in Espana). He went to China and will stay there with one of my uncles. I was kinda glad during that time because that meant that I regain possession of my room. I didn't get then that everything was changing. It was then the whole extended family didn't meet during the holidays that I realized what was happening.

Me and my cousins were close before, we played in the big V. Mapa house and forged a bond with each other which we still remember to this day. But now, I only see them during chance encounters at bars and night outs and just to exchange pleasantries. It's sad that I don't even know some of them, as I didn't see them growing up and would not recognize them in a lineup.

And now, it's the beginning to the end of an era - an era where angkong is the head of the family - the Tan clan. Now is the only time in the last decade or so that the whole family is together again, not to celebrate but to mourn. Angkong is hanging tough, he is a fighter, it runs in the family. But as he wins each battle, we know that he will eventually lose this war with cancer. Every time he stands tough, it is another reason to thank God, another reason to believe.

I'm sad that I won't be able to see him before he goes. I'm sad he won't see Matmat ever. I'm sad that after this is over and done with, the family will not be together again. I'm sad that I won't be able to say goodbye.

I guess that's life. However how fragile each and every one of us are, we have to enjoy every minute of it. Building memories that will touch us for a lifetime. I'm just glad that I have those memories with angkong, that I will always have them with me.